Challenges and Our Reward In His Will

Challenges are something that can be met with eagerness as there often is some kind of reward for the challenge to be overcome. Overcome the challenge and something good happens right? I'm good with that.

As a parent of a disabled child there is an abundance of challenges, finding the reward though can also be a challenge in itself. This year for us has seen Lucy battle through many bouts of panic stricken pain. Since February she has had what I've coined "Pain Waves," a type of pain that is cyclical. In familiar terms it is like the female period, it comes and goes and lasts for 1-2 weeks. Lucy's waves have come around pretty much monthly and have lasted for a duration as short as 6 days to the longest being 12. Her body will convulse and be far more unsettled than usual, her eyes will be widened with panic as she fights to control her body as the pain only intensifies the movements of her Cerebral Palsy and her sleep becomes as distant as dreams. Nurses, doctors, paediatricians and specialists have applied their knowledge and given us different medications to trial. All have fallen short of giving her any peace. We thought we were in the clear upon giving her Artane, except it came back again and she is once again in fearful pain. She has told us through her eye gaze communication device on a couple of occasions that her tummy is sore. No tests have found anything that could indicate that being the case, oh and we've done oodles of tests, scans and checks on her. Next up will probably be getting a neurologist to try and see what's up. Not sure what else we can do. Every time the wave rises back up and crashes on her it's like we're defeated. We have another week of consoling her and ourselves. The road on this has already felt like a long one and I don't where it's leading to or what we will discover, I'm just tired of walking it, I want to get there and have an answer for this because we just want to help her. Through this challenge that is our reward, to be able to help our daughter. Not being able to see the fruit of the care and dedication to our daughter can at times wear thin.

I am thankful to friends that I can send prayer requests to. This year I've done plenty of that during these moments of pain for Lucy. I was reminded of two helpful verses which were shared with me this week which helped me readjust my perspective and attitude to the challenge at hand.

James 1:2-3.

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow."

Great verse, however this is a question I can easily throw back at it, what if I'm sick of the challenge and feel like I can't handle it? This next verse was shared and accompanied by the verse from James, Psalm 46:1.

"God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble."

I may not always see the help, I may not always see the challenge as fruitful, I know that because of them I have been shaped into someone else. I have been strengthened, my endurance has been bolstered, I still feel broken by her pain and have mixed feelings toward it, I'm different though. God has used the whole Lucy situation that started in 2020 to become the Nick I am today. He has given me enough to deal with today's problems, gradually it feels like my portion of problems has grown bigger and at the same time my ability to cope with it has grown alongside it. Sitting in a Hobart hospital in 2020 crying together we comforted by a paediatrician, "things will get easier." They did and they didn't. The challenges have changed into harder ones at times, yet we have become different people from those people we were in 2020. Our skill set for dealing with tough times has evolved. Not to kick a guy while he's down but 2020 Nick wasn't ready for what faced him, he was weak, his foundation was rattled and he was barely standing after it all. Spiritually he was strong, not as strong as now. Now I cling dearly to the promises of God, I used to just read them and understand their context, they weren't prayed upon though. I need God and His promises, for how can I endure without them? Without them I am a man that wants to live for the now, who would rather be free of his challenges so that he can live the pre-2020 life again. That there is a man without the love he has for his daughter, a love that has grown and endured alongside the CHALLENGES.

Had her and her condition not existed, then what do I become? Perhaps a loving father still, maybe one that took things for granted. One that would not benefit from the joy of becoming someone that has suffered alongside her through challenges. Her life has given me the opportunity to demonstrate the fruits of the spirit that are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I'm sure these fruits would've blossomed had this not happened to her except I would've never had them like I do. These have blossomed in dark times. It's hard to grow fruit in the dark and this at times has been the light by which I've grown.

It's hard to find purpose or reason for Lucy's disability and the challenges around it and I wonder at it. If she'd never suffered would've I lost the opportunity to become the man I am today? One that is reminded of the endurance through suffering and the strength he gets from God who is ever with me.

Luke 22:42. "Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."

If Jesus had passed up the cup then He would've been able to live without the consequence of taking on all our suffering and mankind wouldn't have benefited at all. If God were to take away this suffering we have lived through then would've I been the same loving benefit to my daughter? Maybe. It wasn't to be though. The cup is left there and through the tears I will be reminded of the giver of our strength. Who I am is shaped by the challenges of fatherhood and my reward is all that the Father provides us with. I am not empty handed.

If it be your will Father then take away Lucy's suffering. If not then let me settle for your will and help us to grow through it. Help me to heal those with hearts that have been broken by the unfairness of life and let them see there is hope through you. Without you we are dust, unused, without purpose and are forever in need. May my family be strengthened by you daily, let not us be disheartened but enriched by your strength to take on each day. May your kingdom come. Help us to endure till she suffers no more. Amen.