To do well in business it is necessary to dress smart, smell good and wear a tie. Donkey Kong is naked, he smells like wet dog and he wears a tie. With that going for him he could probably sell some bananas to some equally naked and smelly apes and that’s where he has found his success. Once a business like that has been established it would be profitable to branch out and find new clientele. As a young start up Donkey Kong was sitting on millions due to the roaring banana trade and he soon learnt that to keep on growing he’d need to move off Kong Isle and take his wares to the lucrative Mushroom Kingdom. A move like this would set him and his ugly offspring up for generations. The move took place and things were going well until a hooded Koopa approached him and handed him a letter.
“Dear business ape, if you want to make it big here then come to the castle at midnight tonight.
From, Hooded Koopa.”
A pleasant tip like this piqued his interest and he made plans to rendezvous with the pleasant acquaintance that had just disappeared. Midnight came and DK waited. A group of hooded figures approached and they requested DK wear a hood too, he obliged thinking it must help with getting business sales. Nothing like having a hooded business gorilla coming to your door peddling his bananas at midnight. DK couldn’t see but his new business partners pushed him toward their client. For the sale to take place DK was asked to kick a door down which he did without hesitation. His partners removed his hood and demanded that he kidnap the blonde haired princess. DK was confused, he thought he was here to sell bananas?
DK spoke in gorilla which translated to him saying “I won’t do no kidnapping and I am just here to get rich.” This enraged his company, they were relying on DK to do the heavy lifting so now the biggest Koopa would have to do it. Peach awoke and screamed as she was lifted from her bed. DK being the good business ape that he was ran to her aid and threw a banana at the Koopa, it made him slip over and freed the Princess of his grip. The Princess was anything but grateful as DK loomed over her, she saw his donkey schlong and fainted in disgust. Seeing the Princess in distress made DK scoop her up and escape out the window. Bounding over rooftops they escaped the castle grounds. An empty construction site was just a few doors down so DK ran there to escape the Koopa’s and to let the Princess leave safely on her own terms. He climbed a few levels of steel girders and put the Princess down so he could catch his breath. Within just a moment he heard thumping, it was continuous and it kept getting closer. He looked below and a bouncy plumber was coming straight for them with a giant swinging hammer. DK wondered how many enemies this Princess must have had. He blocked her from any harm and looked for a way to save them both. There were some wooden barrels that he could roll that would hopefully stop the maniac. He had to try something to protect this future customer. It was to no avail, the plumber was too agile and leaped over the barrels with ease. Like a man possessed the short and plump plumber came at him. The hammer struck down on the apes head and he fell three floors to his death. That is one way to get rid of a supposed kidnapper, it is also one way of landing yourself in jail. The full story of DK getting caught up in a crime that he thought was a banana sales excursion came to light. Cranky Kong testified to his son’s ambitions of just wanting to be the best banana sales ape in the world and that he would never take a princess hostage. This testimony was enough to put the murderous plumber Mario away for life for caving in the skull of the innocent ape. Justice was served, but there is no one left to serve us bananas
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