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Man Beaten to Within an Inch of Death for Wearing Jar-Jar Binks Shirt in 2024

Some say time heals everything, this is a load of baloney though. Some hurts go so deep that no amount of counselling or rewatching of the original Star Wars Trilogy can fix. It hurts even more when people have the nerve to walk down the street wearing a Star Wars Episode 1 t-shirt. Which is the pain a crowd of people were inflicted on recently in a local mall. Unless you were a kid at the time of that movies release that thought Jar-Jar Binks was funny then there’s no way you could’ve actually liked that movie. It spelled trouble for the Star Wars franchise, trouble that Disney has taken full advantage of and we don’t need to go into the dirty details of how they have had their way with it. Now, to think that people get about wearing a Phantom Menace shirt is an actual hate crime, fortunately the good society that we live in dealt with him appropriately.

A man who saw everyone in pain at his rotten tomato stall called out to anyone and everyone.

“Get your rotten tomatoes here folks! Fine for throwing and making a mess of any t-shirt you don’t agree with!”

People flocked to his stall and spent money on rotten tomatoes, something that has never been done before. The offensive t-shirt man turned and ran but an old lady stuck out her cane and tripped him up.

“That’s for ruining my sons’ favourite franchise!”

The crowd caught up to him and served him up an onslaught of tomatoes. They kept throwing for at least 15 minutes to make sure he got the message and stopped once they saw his hand reach through the tomato compost waving for mercy. He was hosed off and fined by police for disturbing the peace. They stripped him of his shirt and burned it and told him to never come back again. Harsh but fair. Be mindful to not hurt the feelings of those with your choice of movie apparel.


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