My Comfort

Here is an imagination exercise. Picture a soft bed with a doona as plush and light as a feather. The bed swallows you up and the doona enfolds you in a blissful embrace. Nearby is a relaxing bubbling brook that nestles your mind into a calming rest. Then suddenly Enya appears with a harp and lulls you. A big teddy bear enters your space and hands you a big marshmallow to eat. This could be a nightmarish scenario to some but I am trying to paint a picture with some degree of comfort.

A comfort is something easily explained and not always agreeable in terms of desired effect. My pillow may be just right for me but could be a firm cinderblock to somebody else. Goldilocks and the three bears is a prime example, it took her till the third bed till she found comfort. To be honest Goldilocks was selfish and disregarded people’s food, belongings and property. In other words she is a criminal. Don’t be like her.

Apart from the obvious comfort of a pillow I do have other comforts. As established already, comfort is subjective and not all comfort prescriptions will work for the same people. In my life I have my own likes and dislikes, some of my likes I could associate with being a comfort. A comfort in this regard would be to grab hold of one of my likes and use it to make me feel better. One ‘like’ I am fond of and have enjoyed since I was young is videogames. These to me grab me and allow me to experience narrative with a hands on approach. The story is there and I get to be involved by leading the protagonist hither and thither. Not only is it fun, it is also relaxing and helps me to unwind. It is a great social tool as well that allows me to engage with likeminded people on certain games and the enjoyment found within. Certain Discord servers are a perfect place for this. It is known I like gaming then. Is this like and comfort a danger? Yes and no. It is a medium of entertainment like any other medium that when overused it can be abused. In my case I have used it wrongfully in the past. It has been a place where I can shut out the world and not concentrate on the things troubling my soul. This is escapism and it is found everywhere. We all go to it to deal with pain and discomfort. Escapism is the need and obsession with overexercising to keep feeling the exercise high, it is getting high on drugs and drowning in alcohol, relentlessly reading, gluttony and overindulgence, it is any source of entertainment. Videogames are my material comfort and they have been used to help me escape. We all have pains and worries in life we want to selfishly escape from. Videogames have been seemingly helpful in making me focus on an accomplishment or be immersed by the art of storytelling. The thing is, this pain and hurt is still going to be there on the other side of an escapism session. Here is where there is danger in my comfort. It acts like it delivers me from darkness and lights me up, the light however is artificial. It is a man-made product and was never intended to heal a heart. Artificial light runs out and leaves us back where we are and has done nothing to help us in that time. Over exercise is good until we are injured or old and cannot maintain it, alcohol feels good till the liver fails, gluttony is taxing in many ways. Anything we go to will run its course.

For a few months I have noticed that gaming has been too much of a comfort to me. It has been my source of joy and escape. I did not do anything about it as I was in denial of the fact and enjoyed the well that was drying up. It is as if the light that was giving me comfort finally blew and my battles were there again. My comfort failed me. Do I crash and burn? No, I do not. This may be my escape but it is not where my heart lives. At these times my heart turns from its idols and desires the sustenance only true light can bring. A light that is non-artificial, that speaks reminders to my heart of where home is and where I can lay my head when I am weary. I admit I have neglected God’s Word these last few months and my mind has been running from difficulties instead of facing them. I know that God has not neglected me in this time but when I choose artificial light I do not see things as they ought to be seen. A verse that makes this clear to me is John 8:12, “When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” The artificial will not help me see troubles for what they are. They will make me feel like they cannot be conquered but oh what a foolish lie that is to tell yourself. God will lift your head in these times to remind you of who you are following and where your source of light is coming from. Despair is illuminated as I see Jesus come down to my level and comfort me. My heart is warmed like looking upon the sun and feeling the vitality it brings. Jesus is unquestionably an objective comfort. We all may go to our own individual comforts to try and find rest but upon following Jesus, no one can find discomfort in him or better comfort elsewhere. Ultimately He is my comfort and I feel shame for not following His lead to better things at times. Yet this matters not to Him as He is still there for me to follow. My shame and absentness is absorbed by His mercy of which the depths are immeasurable. His grace and comfort go deeper than my sin and pain. By my ways and idolization of material things I fail, if I seek what is not good for me then I will be repaid by emptiness. It is in this time of failure that I see my saviour and seek Him out for I already know His goodness. Psalm 9:10 is a kindly reminder of what I know deep down and am thankful for.

 “Those who know your name trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.” All good comes from His mighty hand and it is forever outstretched to me. It is for you too.

Would I recommend neglecting your comfort? No, as they serve their purpose but remember they have the capacity to rule you and our hearts can only serve one master. Set limits and recognise when it is becoming poisonous.  

I still play videogames and enjoy the story they tell but my story will not end in them. Examine your heart and identify what may be robbing you of true comfort.