President’s Daughter Ashley Graham Tragically Dies in Shoe Tying Incident

Leon S. Kennedy recalls the night when his mission to save Ashley Graham was ruined like toast falling on the floor face down. All he wanted was to save Ashley, if only she had of known his secret.

The night was dark, like a black piece of paper. That’s how dark it was. I walked ahead of Ashley with my torch in hand. Our feet clicked along the paved castle path and the walls closed in around us. It was cold yet it felt suffocating, like a cold fat person squashing you up against a wall. Yeah, that’s how it felt. My hands felt frozen and my breath faintly passed in front of me as I followed the grey path. I could hear Ashley sobbing behind me, she’d been complaining earlier about missing her pops, so I guess that was still getting to her. It had been some time since we had last encountered cultists and it was a welcome relief, like the type of relief that comes from finally being able to pee after not being able to pee for an indeterminate amount of time. My thoughts on pee were broken by Ashley’s wonderful voice.

“LEON!”

I spun around on my heels and leant forward, pistol and torch pointed in the direction of the call from Ashley. I expected danger except I only noticed Ashley on one knee trying to tie her shoelace in vain.

“My hands LEON! They’re too cold and I can’t tie my shoelaces, it’s too dangerous to go on in the dark without my shoe being tied! Please, please, please tie my shoes!”

I tried my best to convince her that all was well, as well as a well that was full to the brim. Doesn’t that sound positive? Except she wouldn’t let it go, she needed her shoe tied. I figured I’d have to tell her.

“I-I ah, um I…”

As I was about to tell her a cultist yelled at us in some rural Spanish garbled dialect and flicked a switch which triggered a trap. A massive boulder, like a big tasty meatball without meatball sauce came meatballing down toward us. If we didn’t get moving then we’d be dead meat.

“Quick, get up we have to go!”

“No, I will trip on my laces and fall!”

“Listen! I… I can’t tie shoe laces, that’s why I’m wearing crocs so I can’t help you!”

There was no time for further explanation, I pulled her up and insisted we run. Things were going good, until they weren’t. That’s always the way huh? I managed to get clear of the boulder and I turned around to see Ashley get tangled up in her laces. She clumsily faceplanted the stoney floor and the boulder pasted her into oblivion. My mission failed, like a child who never learnt to tie their shoelaces. Yeah, just like that.

Link to new episode with bad voice acting right here https://open.spotify.com/episode/4Wpn2f6kO2X2mIkprnUxHd?si=f5c8d46b59a04bcd